Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
