you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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