Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
