I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
