Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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