OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
