My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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