He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize