I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My hand turned me down
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
