You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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