Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
