Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
