OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
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he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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