His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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