just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
