totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
