Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
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Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.