Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
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my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.