I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
