My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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