I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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