You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
