I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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