and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize