So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
