I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
