the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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