you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize