All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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