Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
