I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
