does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
