I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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