peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
