I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
