come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize