Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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