Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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