Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
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I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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