he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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