Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
