Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
