this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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