Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
