i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
