Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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