I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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