I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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