Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
