The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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