He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
