the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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