Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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