there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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