how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
