he thought i was a dude.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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