i wish there were pregnant emoticons
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
