its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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