Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
