Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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