My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
