i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
