i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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