so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
