I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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