Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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