I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
