i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
