I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
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The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
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Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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