so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
