he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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