eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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