Screwed.edu
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
