He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
