He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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