I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
