Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
