ugly people sure do ruin things
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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